Tonight I have a rehearsal dinner for one of my best friends wedding that is tomorrow. I'm one of the groomsmen. And tomorrow is the wedding and the reception and who knows how late that will go. I'm looking forward to it for two reasons. First, well, it's going to be a wonderful weekend. But also I actually get to and need to dress up. Obviously I'm in a tux for the wedding, and tonight I'm wearing a shirt and tie. I now actually like dressing up sometimes cause I'm so much a slob the rest of the time, mainly cause I work in construction and have no life. Well, not so much no life as no need to have to dress up, and no desire to spend money on nice cloths I'll only wear once in a blue moon.

Plus, to be honest, I think I look damn good when I clean myself up.

Nope, I was wrong. Same waters, they just looked a little different in this light. I swear, the next time I get the "good, nice, friend" line, heads are going to roll.

I really am entering uncharted waters for myself. I don't think this is supposed to be the case for someone over 30. I hope it comes off a quaint, and not sad.

I think I may be mistaken. Maybe I won't learn. Let's be honest, if I haven't learned by now, am I ever going to?

I never open my mouth when I should, and never keep it closed when I should. This time it's going to haunt me for a while.

Hence why I can't sleep right now.

I would have to place last night's WTF moment as the biggest WTF moment of my life...at least that I can remember. I'm almost talking alternate reality type WTF. Of course, that was just the moment.

Why did I never say anything? That's me. I'm not mad and I don't dislike anyone. The only person I can blame and be mad at is myself.

Some day I will learn.

As an addendum to the last post, I just read an email I got from an old friend. And the thought I had before I even knew I had the email was echoed in the email.

I never say the things I want to say most.

Which, in my view, has a very simple explanation. It is the result of a lack of self confidence, and a head full of too many pointless questions..

I often describe myself as astute, and I do believe that is a fairly accurate view. The difference however, is that I do not always act on it. It's kind of strange. Often times, I wonder if it is my mind playing tricks on me, putting pieces together and coming to conclusions that frankly I don't want to believe. The reason for that is either I don't want the conclusion to be true, or I tell myself the only reason I came to the conclusion is because I want it to be true.

But that's besides the point. The fact is, whether I want to believe it or not, my mind came to a conclusion for a reason. I'm always saying that my greatest trait is my mind, maybe I should start listening to it more often. Yeah, that sounds weird, but in my world, my mind and my self are two different entities.

But it still sucks to be right when you don't want to be. :/

I needed a test to tell me this?

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

You know, there are just some things I can't let go.  My car is still working.  In fact, my car is working better now than it was before it died, since well before it died.  All the little problems my car was having, I assumed it was just old age.  The prime example is the traction control.  Now, I don't quite know when it started.  I want to say shortly after I had the last work done on the car (big surprise) but I never did make it a connection to the work.  However, since the problem I found was a bad ground, a problem that slowly over time got worse (as was evident by the car finally dying), it is a strong possibility.  Anyway, my traction control stopped working.  The ABS brakes worked fine though, so I didn't place it as a big problem.  Now that I have fixed the ground, my traction control works fine.

How the hell does a mechanic not put bolts back in?  This is why I am so cynical.

I contemplating whether or not to tell my former mechanic they suck.  See, a while back my A/C died right after I got it back from them replacing things like the water pump.  Turns out there was a LARGE leak in the A/C lines.  Which, according to how I understand my car, is near where they were working.  They af course said they never went near A/C lines.  I just left it at that.  While searching for my ground problem, I discovered a few bolts missing, bolts that should not be missing.  I never took these things off, but they needed to be taken off when they did that work.

Is it possible that the A/C broke by chance, and these bolts were missing beforehand?  Yes, it is.  But not probable.  It's things like this make me so cynical.